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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22565878">The hidden Beauty of a Sapphire</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayeliq1/pseuds/Nayeliq1'>Nayeliq1</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Braime Oneshots [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Braime - Freeform, F/M, First Kiss, Jaime slaps Tormund because he's a lovesick fool and has to explain himself, Just because I wanted them to have a conversation like this, Oneshot, love declaration</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 08:29:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,113</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22565878</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayeliq1/pseuds/Nayeliq1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaime Lannister was well known in the Seven Kingdoms. The Kingslayer. The Oathbraker. A man without honour. The man who was in love with his sister. No one had ever doubted the truth behind this knowledge, not even Jaime himself. But what if someone totally unexpected finds a way into his heart? A diamond in the rough, never noticed by anyone before...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Braime Oneshots [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022427</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The hidden Beauty of a Sapphire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi, I just wanted to say that I'm glad for everyone who cares to read some of my dilettante writing attempts and I'm actually german, just for warning!</p><p>I haven't written oneshots before, but after reading the books again and seeing some scenes from season 8 it really was an inner desire of mine to write this...(You may recognize some lines from the series though)</p><p>So...I hope you enjoy this little try and if you'd let me know your thoughts in the comments, that would be very much appreciated!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Brienne? Brienne are you still awake?"</p><p>Jaime Lannister stood in front of her chamber door, nervous and unsure - emotions that were very unfamiliar to him if he was honest. He knew that he had been wrong like he had been so many times in his life, but it did never cause him to experience this kind of guilt he felt when his behaviour hurt Brienne.</p><p>Brienne of Tarth. The only person who could still see something else in him than the Kingslayer, or at least he hoped so.</p><p>He couldn't stand to have disappointed her, so he had to put things right, even though he wasn't exactly sure how to do so. He couldn't just do what Tyrion had suggested. He hated to admit it to himself, but he wasn't brave enough for that. Yes, it sounded ridiculous, even in his head - Jaime Lannister, greatest swordfighter of all before he lost his hand, victorious in countless battles, was too afraid to say three simple words. That was also what he had told his brother, but Tyrion had always had a talent for words and persuasion.</p><p><em>"Well, well, brother," Tyrion had said while approaching him, "I couldn't fail to see your little...</em> <strong><em>conversation</em></strong> <em>with this big red-haired Wildling. I don't hope that you have problems with our new friends from beyond the wall? I admit, they may be a bit rough-"</em></p><p>
  <em>"I can assure you, I'm completely impartial when it comes to Wildlings in general, thank you, Tyrion", Jaime answered shortly, not very interested in a conversation about the merits of Tormund Giantsbane.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And what of Lady Brienne? Impartial about her, too?", Tyrion said, unable to suppress a little grin at his brother's expression.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That's...complicated", Jaime responded evasively, just as little willing to talk about her as about her admirer.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No, it's not. People make things complicated", Tyrion detected.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jaime thought it best to play dumb to avoid this conversation. "Well, I am a person, so..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Come on Jaime, you may not be as smart as me, but you must know that I'm aware of your feelings for her, knowing you as well as I do. And you have hopefully admitted to yourself that you love her, too", Tyrion told him impatiently.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He sighed, seeing no other possibility than to give in, now that his little brother had been this direct. "I have for quite some time, I suppose", he admitted therefore truthfully.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I mean, the relationship was very...irritating at first, but then it became different, caring...and finally transformed into...- I can't even tell when or why, but..." He trailed off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Does she love you?" A simple question with a simple answer.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I don't think so."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Perhaps she just needs a push into the right direction?", Tyrion suggested.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No, that's not-...I mean, why should she? What do I have to offer?", he asked without expecting any helpful answer.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well, let's see", Tyrion said excessively slowly, obviously pretending as if he had to think about that. "You're still reasonably handsome. You may also have at least some wit, albeit it might be little. You can be a fine knight, sometimes, if you want to. You're only somewhat broken by your relationship with our sister..." He paused, apparently thinking.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You know what? Never mind. You're a complete mess. You shouldn't tell her", he finished with his typical humour, but Jaime didn't think it was funny.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She wouldn't judge me", he declared, but to convince Tyrion or himself, he wasn't sure.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We all judge people, Jaime."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But you don't know her as I do, Tyrion, she isn't like that, not like most people, she...she's something special. The only one she judges and condemns all the time is herself", he added sadly. "Although I would deserve it much more. I don't know anyone who is as good and pure as her, so what could I, broken, as you call it, possibly give her?" , Jaime asked and surprised himself at how desperate he sounded.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You have yourself to give", his brother answered warmly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And if that's what she wants, there's nothing more you need to offer."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jaime didn't know how to answer, so he stayed silent, Tyrion's words echoing in his mind. Could his brother be right? Could he really hope that it would be enough?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She's good for you, Jaime", Tyrion finally said and laid his hand on Jaime's arm. "I can see it. And I think, well..perhaps she could be the one who's meant to mend you, wouldn't you agree? Besides, it might be the only truly healthy relationship you ever had. Tell her."</em>
</p><p>So that was what Jaime intended to do, he just didn't know how. Still, he had to try, somehow.</p><p>"Brienne? Brienne, please, if you hear me...I really need to talk to you", he tried again.</p><p>On the other side of the old wooden door, Brienne of Tarth sat on her bed, tensed and just as unsure what to do as the man waiting outside. She was still angry with him, but there was something in his voice, that-...</p><p>She stood up, hesitated, but decided it was best to let him in, knowing that she wouldn't be able to avoid a conversation anyway, so she could as well face him right now.</p><p>"The door's open, come in", he heard her voice from inside the room.</p><p>He entered slowly, scanned the room to find her standing near the fire. She looked smaller without her armour, not actually small or vulnerable of course, but somehow more like the woman Jaime knew her to be under all these layers of steel, fighting skills and toughness - the perfect facade of self-protection she took off so rarely.</p><p>"What do you want?", she asked a bit harshly. Jaime knew that she was always direct and aloof, but he could sense that she was still crossed with him and he couldn't blame her.</p><p>"To apologize." She lifted her eyebrows in disbelief.</p><p>"I didn't know that the <strong>oh-so-omniscient</strong> Jaime Lannister uses to apologize", Brienne stated sarcastically.</p><p>"He doesn't", Jaime answered, ignoring her cold tone. "Usually. Only when he's been wrong", he specified and watched a mocking smile form on her lips.</p><p>"You've been wrong much more often than you have apologized", she said. He couldn't argue with that.</p><p>"Can't you just leave it and accept my apology?", he asked, getting slightly impatient because he wanted so desperately to clear the air between them.</p><p>"You haven't apologized yet."</p><p>"All right, Brienne, I'm sorry", he said, hoping that he would say what she wanted to hear, for he couldn't stand the current atmosphere. "What Tormund dreams of at night is none of my business, I shouldn't have hit him and you are very capable of deciding what you intend to do about him on your own and to act accordingly. You don't need my help, you can defend yourself and I shouldn't have interfered", he finished in one breath. Then he watched her, waited in tensed anticipation for her response, but none came.</p><p>"Ok?", Jaime said, lifting his eyebrows expectantly. "Friends again?"</p><p>"Yes", she finally said, only a little too reluctantly for his liking.</p><p>"Good." An awkward moment of silence followed where neither of them knew what to say next, so Brienne leaned down to put another log of wood on the fireplace, simply to be occupied with something.</p><p>"It already is bloody hot in here, why in heaven's name do you do that?"</p><p>"It's the first thing I learned when I came to the North. Keep the fire going. Every time you leave the room, put more wood on", she answered, not willing to give him the satisfaction of knowing that she had been distracting herself because he made her nervous.</p><p>"Well, that's very diligent. Very responsible", he smiled. It was supposed to be a compliment, but being used to getting attacked and insulted for everything she did, Brienne misunderstood his meaning.</p><p>"Oh, piss off!"</p><p>"Do you know what was the first thing <strong>I</strong> learned in the North?", Jaime tried to ease the tension, "I hate the fucking North."</p><p>"Why are you here then?" Her sudden question surprised him, and although he had come here to answer just that, he wasn't ready yet, hadn't thought about how to begin properly, and also, he couldn't start explaining anything before he knew how his chances stood against a certain red-haired Wildling.</p><p>"What are you going to do about Tormund?", he asked therefore instead of answering, although he knew that he might be moving on thin ice by bringing up this topic again.</p><p>"I asked first. And I don't owe you an answer", she held against him.</p><p>"You don't", Jaime granted her. "But mine's depending on yours."</p><p>Brienne wasn't exactly sure what he meant or how to react to whatever it was, so she stayed silent.</p><p>"So?", he probed.</p><p>Brienne didn't know why she answered him at all, it was none of his business, but the words were out before she had even known she was speaking. "He's a fine person, but...nothing."</p><p>"Nothing?"</p><p>"You asked what I intended to do. The answer is: Nothing. I'm not interested in those kinds of pursuits", she told him truthfully. <em>At least not from this side...</em></p><p>"You mean, not ever?" <em>What?</em> Her mind was startled by this remark. Why was he asking such a thing?</p><p>"I beg your pardon?", she stuttered bewildered, but he didn't reply, so she saw herself forced to continue. "Did you expect anything else?"</p><p>"Well, I thought you might at least...think about..."</p><p>"Oh, you mean because I'm never going to get the chance again?", Brienne snapped to his surprise as much as to her own.</p><p>"No, Brienne, I-"</p><p>"Don't", she silenced him, knowing that he was about to make up some sort of lie that was meant to make her feel better, but she didn't want to hear it. "Just...don't."</p><p>"Brienne-", Jaime tried again, but she cut him off once more.</p><p>"It doesn't matter", Brienne simply stated. "Don't you think I know that no other man in his right mind would care for...this?" She gestured to her body. "And honestly, it doesn't bother me. Not anymore."</p><p>"That's not true", Jaime dared to say.</p><p>"What? That no one cares or that it doesn't bother me?", Brienne replied stubbornly.</p><p>"Both." She hadn't been expecting that. She opened her mouth and closed it again, confused once more.</p><p>"I can see it, Brienne", Jaime told her warmly. "I see that it does bother you. Don't try to deny it, we both know that it's true. And that's why I thought you might give in to his...attentions..."</p><p>"You sound...quite jealous." He did, it was undeniable, but also incomprehensible to her.</p><p>"I do, don't I?" She didn't know what to reply so he continued after some moments of awkward silence. "You have no idea why I'm here, have you?"</p><p>"No, I really don't know what you still want here in my cham-"</p><p>"Not in your bloody chambers, woman, at Winterfell! Why did I leave my sister and came here instead?" Jaime didn't want to argue with her again, but it irritated him that she always seemed to lead the conversation in another direction as soon as it became more serious.</p><p>"I-I'm sure the betrayal you endured as well as your honour brought you", Brienne tried.</p><p>"My honour." He laughed. A disbelieving laugh. "You're the only person left who still thinks I had something like honour. My only honour is to know you, Lady Brienne, and I owe you my thanks for leading me here. You have no idea what others see in you..."</p><p>"I know exactly what everyone sees!", she snapped at him.</p><p>"I don't believe you do, Brienne", Jaime replied, remaining completely calm.</p><p>"How couldn't I when no one in my whole life has ever cared to bite their tongue to stifle their opinion of my appearance or my loyalty?", she asked him, his calmness making her even angrier. "No one has ever valued anything more than my devotion for my vocation, what they see is a sword, at best, and nothing else. And you are no exception! Came here in the dim shadows of the night because I'm even uglier in daylight, didn't you?" She knew that putting his own words in her mouth was perhaps below the belt, but she didn't care - she was hurt and if her words hurt him as well, it would at least mean that he wasn't completely indifferent towards her.</p><p>Suddenly, her meeting with his sister in King's Landing was called back to her mind.</p><p>
  <em>"You're in love with my brother", the Queen had said. It hadn't been a question, it was a simple statement and still, it shocked Brienne.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No man wants you and yet you hope my brother would? Save yourself this grief", she had advised her with a look of disgust and amusement on her face, "He will never touch you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You think I don't know that?", Brienne had snapped and surprised herself with this reaction. It shouldn't bother her what Cersei said. This woman was the pure evil, she lived and breathed only to punish others, so why did Brienne care at all? And that was it. The moment Brienne, the Maid of Tarth, had finally admitted to herself that Cersei was right: She was in love with Jaime Lannister and he would never be able to return it.</em>
</p><p>"Did I say that?", Jaime's careful voice brought her back to the present. "I'm so sorry, Brienne. I didn't know what I was talking about back then. I was your prisoner, remember?" Brienne couldn't help but admire him for how good he could imitate the repentance in his voice. If she hadn't known for sure that it wasn't possible, she could have believed him every word.</p><p>"Don't pretend, Ser Jaime", she made it easy for him. "There's no need for that. I know I'm not much to look at." She didn't sound angry anymore, just sad and tired.</p><p>"But my sister is." <em>No,</em> Brienne thought. <em>Not her. I'm not going to talk about her now.</em> <em>Why is he comparing me to her, of all people? </em>She could feel her anger rise again. She knew that he loved his sister, she knew that Cersei was not only prettier than her, which was not hard, to be honest, but exceedingly beautiful even compared to most other women. He didn't have to remind her that she could never stand a chance against someone like Cersei Lannister and she hated that he was mentioning her at this moment.</p><p>"No. No, listen, Brienne, I didn't mean to hurt you", Jaime said, reading from her expression that he had. "Please let me finish. Cersei <strong>is</strong> beautiful, no one can question that. But it seems to me her beauty on the outside is only there to hide the cruelty within. And it does very well indeed. I mean, look at me. I've been a fool for so many years, hoping and believing that she would love me back, but I understood only recently that I've spent my whole life chasing after a woman who is incapable of loving anyone but herself, herself and power. That was the only reason she kept me all this time, because she enjoyed the power she had over me. But I was too stupid to discover that earlier." He gave her a sad smile. "Even after finally finding someone who is true and brave and kind I walked away from her and returned to my <strong>sweet</strong> sister", he said with a voice that sounded like he was loathing himself.</p><p>Brienne was overwhelmed by his words. She had always been certain that Jaime loved his sister. It had been like a law of nature: The sky is blue, fire is hot, water is wet and Jaime loves Cersei. It had never even occurred to her that this could change, and especially not because of- Whom? <em>Someone who is true and brave and kind...</em> He couldn't mean her, could he?</p><p>"But I turned away from her now. Once and for all. And I'm never going back, I promise", Jamie finished with all the certainty he could muster.</p><p>He was promising, <strong>to her</strong>. Did that mean that he would stay here? With her? Brienne felt like her mind didn't work fast enough, as if it wasn't able to absorb and organize all this new information properly. She couldn't tell yet what it meant if she had understood all his meaning, but if she had interpreted only some of it correctly...</p><p>"That's all that matters", she said, all anger blown away.</p><p>"Is it really?" He sounded sad, not convinced.</p><p>"Yes, it is", Brienne assured him. "You could have stayed. You could have watched all of us die, but you chose to come here, you chose to do what was dutiful and honourable."</p><p>"There's the <strong>honour</strong> again", he said, lifting his arms and sighing, somehow tired and stressed out by her using this term again and again. "I told you I didn't do it out of honour. Honour and duty - what are they anyway? They aren't all that matters in this world, are they?"</p><p>"They're all that matters for a knight", she said, for that was what she had always believed in.</p><p>"We aren't only knights, are we?"</p><p>"I'm no knight at all."</p><p>"You <strong>are</strong>", Jaime said insistently. "Maybe not by title, because the law is stupid and unjust as always, but you're more a knight by action and attitude than anybody else I know."</p><p>Brienne was touched. No one had ever told her something like that and she wanted so desperately to believe him.</p><p>"So, Brienne of Tarth, you may not be as beautiful in the same way as my sister is, but you are good, you're loyal, just and honourable, and that makes you even more beautiful in my eyes than she could ever be", Jaime continued and Brienne was...well, she didn't know exactly. Was she shocked? Surprised? Moved or even flattered? She had no idea how to identify a single emotion out of this muddled mess raging inside her. She had forgotten how to speak, how to think, even. All she could do was listen, just stare at him and listen.</p><p>"It's almost ridiculous, isn't it?", Jaime said now with a strange smile, "Such irony that the only two women I've ever cared about are either the most selfish or the most selfless person the world has ever known..."</p><p>Brienne's thoughts were running wild. But at least she seemed to have regained her ability to think at all. <em>I must have misunderstood him,</em> it went through her head. <em>This can't be happening. I will wake up soon and this will all have been a dream, a nightmare, leading me to believe that what I desire has</em> <em>come true, only to snatch it away from me in the next second.</em></p><p>Jaime started to become impatient. He had finished his speech, waited for her reaction, nervous, afraid, but desperate to hear it all at once. But Brienne didn't react at all, she remained silent, just looking at him, focusing on one point for a painfully long time until he just couldn't stand it anymore. "Come on, Brienne! Could you say something? I don't know what to think if you just stay silent all the time and stare at me!" His outburst awoke her from her trance with a start. She blinked several times and slowly opened her mouth.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I didn't intend to stare."</p><p>"Is that all you have to say?" Jaime couldn't believe it. "I'm opening my heart to you and the only reaction I get is that you apologize for listening?"</p><p>"I-I'm sorry, I-" He gave her a look that was clearly advising her to stop apologizing and Brienne had to open and close her mouth several times before she managed to force some words out. "I'm not familiar with this...kind of conversation...I don't know how to-..." Her gaze wandered to the ground, so she wouldn't have to look at him anymore and Jaime instantly regretted his harsh tone when he saw her self-distress. He waited, forcing himself to be patient until she looked back up at him and whispered something. "Thank you."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Thank you, Jaime", she said again, louder this time.</p><p>"For what?"</p><p>"Everything", she said and Jaime was shocked to see tears standing in her eyes. "For trying to protect me. I know I was angry when you put Tormund in his place, but...only because my strength is all that I have to make people see me, so I'm afraid of appearing to be in need of help, but I know you meant well. For telling me that you cared about me...I-I know it can't be as you said, but even the pretence is more than I ever got from anyone else."</p><p>"Bri-", he started, but she silenced him by a wave of her hand, squeezed her eyes shut as if she was in pain while slightly shaking her head. Then, she took a deep breath, opened them again and continued.</p><p>"And...for coming here. Coming to Winterfell, fighting beside us, beside...me, I really am glad about that. It may actually be the first intelligent thing you've done since we know each other", she added with a smirk because she had been uncomfortable with the seriousness of the atmosphere.</p><p>"Yes, because jumping in a bear pit with only one hand to rescue you was exceedingly foolish", Jaime grinned back. He saw a slight blush creeping on her cheeks at that memory, but she smiled.</p><p>"Foolish", Brienne replied, "but no less appreciated. I'll never forget what you did for me then. You saved me from more than one cruelty...and paid the price", she nodded at his golden hand. "I hope you know that I'll always be grateful, Jaime."</p><p>"You don't need to be grateful. The Gods know that I need at least some good deeds to weigh against all my sins", he told her truthfully.</p><p>"I am nevertheless."</p><p>"You're not the only one who's grateful, you know?" He smiled back at her. "I was a different man before I met you. Selfish, even more arrogant than now, if you can believe it, cruel. From you, I learned that there's no shame in honour and kindness. You changed me, Brienne, and you have no idea how much I owe you for that." He looked at her, studied her face, trying to find out what she was thinking. Her expression was difficult to read, changed, switched between various emotions as it seemed, before it finally settled on one: a kind of surprised realization.</p><p>"You are sincere", she detected. An observation, but he could hear the disbelief and doubt in her voice as clear as if it was written on her forehead.</p><p>"Of course, I am", Jaime assured her with vigour, wanting to wash any doubt about it out of her mind. "And I meant what I said before - I <strong>do</strong> care about you, Brienne - no pretence, no playing, I meant it, everything." He was shocked to see tears forming in her eyes again, it was so unlike her to appear vulnerable like this.</p><p>"How do you do that?", she asked and he could also hear them in her voice. "How are you making this all sound so real and honest?"</p><p>"Because it is! Brienne, when are you finally going to believe me?", Jaime tried desperately to convince her.</p><p>"B-But-...I don't understand", she stuttered. "I mean, how? You're you and I'm...me."</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"Do you think I'm foolish, Jaime?", she spit at him, a tear finally rolling down her cheek. "I'm not stupid. Look at us, that's just not-...it can't-"</p><p>"Have you been listening to me at all?", he snapped back. Brienne started to cry properly now, something she hadn't done in a long time and she was ashamed of this lack of self-control, so she looked to the ground, trying and failing to hide her tears.</p><p>"Brienne?", Jaime tried more soothingly now as he took her arm. The unexpected touch made her look back up at him again, slightly shocked, but unable to move.</p><p>"Brienne I came to Winterfell because I felt <strong>compelled</strong> to", he admitted, deciding that it was finally time to put all his bravery together and confess what he had come for. "I felt compelled to because it's what was right and honourable - things you taught me. I felt compelled to because I knew that you would be here <strong>because</strong> it was right and honourable, so where else should you be? I needed to see you before either of us died. But also because...I never thought I could free myself from Cersei, it never occurred to me that there could be anyone who had the capacity of helping me to do so, but you - you, Brienne, are everything that I've always aimed to be and yet never could. I will never be able to even get close to what you represent, but because of you, I got at least nearer. I know you won't believe me, and perhaps it's even best if you don't, because you deserve so much better than me, but in the end, we don't choose who we love, right?" She was staring at him again, the same way she had when he told her he cared about her, hopeful, yet so full of doubt. He had to make it clear, he knew that there was no drawing back now, so he took one last deep breath and spoke the words he had feared so much. "And the simple truth is that I came here because I'm in love with you."</p><p>"What?" <em>At least she speaks this time</em>, Jaime thought.</p><p>"Please don't make me say it all again."</p><p>"How could you say all those things?", she asked, hurt audible in every syllable. How could she still not believe him?</p><p>"Because they are true and I couldn't leave them unsaid any longer."</p><p>"Damn you, Jaime Lannister! Why are you doing this to me?!" Her sudden outburst made him start back and release her arm he had still been holding.</p><p>"Brienne..."</p><p>"No", she silenced him. "You had your speech. Now you have to hear mine."</p><p>He didn't dare to interrupt her, her tone keeping his mouth shut.</p><p>"When I was young, a girl at home in Tarth, I dreamed that a knight would come and stay there", she began slowly. "He would teach me to fight, to use a sword and to ride. And then he would take me with him on adventures and finally we would fall in love. He would build a small house so we could live there...happily ever after..." A smile had appeared on her face during this childhood memory, but now he saw how it was wiped away at once. "But I learned a long time ago that life doesn't work like the foolish imaginations of little girls", she continued with a hint of bitterness. "Yes, I've learned everything there is to know about sword-fighting and chivalry, but I did it on my own. I've never known love."</p><p>"Or so you pretend."</p><p>"I've never-"</p><p>"Yes, you did", Jaime cut her off. "You loved Renly Baratheon, but you always denied it. Maybe you thought it dishonourable to love someone you had sworn to serve. But it wasn't. There's never dishonour in love, Brienne, so don't deny it."</p><p>"Why should I deny it?", she replied. "Renly was a respectable man who had shown me kindness - dishonour wasn't the reason why I never admitted it...I just knew that it wouldn't change anything. He would never have loved me back, so, where was the sense in confessing? Maybe that was the reason why I fell for him anyway, that I knew him to be out of my reach, that he was safe...and so was I as well." He waited, watched her as she nervously wrangled her hands, for he sensed that she wasn't done yet.</p><p>"I was sure that...you were safe, too", she told him, not looking up from her hands in her lap. "Jaime Lannister, Captain of the Kingsguard, master swordfighter, child of the big golden lion...why should there be any chance that-...especially with your sister..." She trailed off, paused for a moment while her gaze wandered into the distance. "Isn't it funny?", she continued then with a strange expression on her face Jaime couldn't quite figure out.</p><p>"How things come together sometimes? In totally unexpected ways...it was she who told me, did you know that?" Her eyes flickered to him for a second only to return to the faraway place only she was able to see.</p><p>"She sent after me in King's Landing, spoke to me, told me about her pregnancy. She wanted to make sure that I knew I could never stand a chance against her - as if I hadn't already been certain of that. But she told me after all, she told me that I loved you. She knew it, maybe even before I did. Anyhow, she made me admit it to myself." Her gaze returned to him once more.</p><p>"But still, Jaime, I meant what I said: I've never known love. Not in any way that counts. It has always been only me. I have no idea what to do when it comes to someone else."</p><p>"If you're talking about..." He trailed off, both slightly blushing.</p><p>"I'm not. And I am. I'm talking about all of it, everything. I'm afraid, Jaime. I'm only good at one thing in my life, one thing only, and that certainly isn't love."</p><p>"Maybe that's best", he whispered as if talking more to himself.</p><p>"I'm sorry?"</p><p>"I've been a fool, Brienne, a bloody fool, we both are", he said loudly again. "Why did I tell you? Selfishness, nothing else..."</p><p>"How could confessing your feeling for someone be selfish?", Brienne asked confused.</p><p>"Confessing feelings, yes, but at what price? What price would I let <strong>you</strong> pay to buy my own happiness?", he asked without expecting an answer.</p><p>"I don't understand."</p><p>"I'm not good for you, Brienne!", he burst out. "I'm no good man. You deserve someone who is honest, kind and loyal, someone who matches you, not a kingslayer and oathbreaker. A man without honour, who fathered children through incest, who knows nothing about love either, nothing that wasn't toxic and destructive. I have done more bad deeds than I can count. You deserve better and we both know it", he finished, turning away from her as he stood up.</p><p>"Is this-...Are you serious?", Brienne asked while standing up as well. She followed him so he had to face her again. "After all you said, all your efforts for making me believe it, you tell me now that- What? That you have to protect me? Well, I already said I don't need your protection! And I don't want it either! Do you hear me? I don't want to be protected, not from Tormund and neither from yourself! I've lived under this armour all my life, allowing myself to love only when I thought it couldn't hurt me, but it did anyway. It always hurts when you care about something. Whatever you try, there's nothing you can do, no precautions you can take, no armour you can wear to save yourself from getting hurt. So please, if your feelings were sincere as you say, don't turn away from me now just because you think you're not good enough. If anything, I should be the one to judge that."</p><p>"Then judge, Brienne, please", he said, looking in her eyes for the first time. "And you will see that not you are the monster, as I know you think you are. But no, I am."</p><p>"That's not true", Brienne said softly, shocked at what he apparently thought of himself. "Jaime, just remember what you did for me, you saved me so many times..."</p><p>"Not approximately as often as I killed", he replied stubbornly.</p><p>"That doesn't matter."</p><p>"It doesn't matter?" He laughed sarcastically. "Brienne, I'm a murderer!"</p><p>"As am I. And many others."</p><p>"But you fought in war. On the right side", he argued. "I slaughtered women, children, burned whole villages on my sister's behalf-..."</p><p>"Your sister's, not your <strong>own</strong>!" She grabbed his hand, Jaime looked at her in surprise, for she had never initiated any sort of contact before. "It. Doesn't. Matter", she whispered again, more intensely.</p><p>Jaime looked back at her, a sort of disbelieving admiration in his eyes.</p><p>"How can you always see only the good in people?", he whispered back.</p><p>Brienne couldn't help but shake her head in amusement.</p><p>"I don't see only what's good", she told him with a smile, "but I see what's <strong>present</strong>. You've changed, Jaime. You're not this man anymore, this person your sister made you. I can see you as you are now and I can see what you're able to become. Someone who is good and loyal and all these things you told me I deserved. I have them here, in you, only waiting to come out in the sunlight for everyone to see. And I hope...I <strong>beg</strong> you to let me be the person to help you to bring them to the surface, to become the man you were always meant to be." Her words sounded so honest, so sincere that he just couldn't help but allow himself a moment to indulge himself in the feeling of believing that she was right, that he actually was worth her affection.</p><p>"You really think I could?", he asked and Brienne could hear the conflict he was having within, how he desperately tried to make himself believe what she had said because he wanted it to be true.</p><p>"I <strong>know</strong> you can. And you will", she said with all her certainty.</p><p>"I don't deserve you", she heard him whisper and it put a smile on her face.</p><p>"One can argue about that", she replied warmly.</p><p>"I don't want to argue anymore."</p><p>"Neither do I."</p><p>Carefully, as not to frighten her, Jaime put his hand on her cheek and wiped a remaining tear out of the corner of her eye with his thumb. She inhaled sharply at this unfamiliar touch, but didn't draw back, what he read as a sign to continue. Brienne closed her eyes when he slowly brought his face nearer to hers, she could feel his breath on her skin, their noses almost touching. She didn't dare to move, afraid of breaking this spell they seemed to be caught in. She waited, frightened but also in nervous anticipation what he would do next, when she suddenly felt Jaime's lips touching her own. It was no more than a slight brush, light like a feather, and still, he felt her tremble under his hand. Jaime smiled at her reaction and tried it once more, pressing his lips against hers more firmly this time. Every thought was blown out of Brienne's mind when Jaime finally kissed her and although she neither knew what to do nor could think about it because of the current emptiness in her head, her body seemed to work without needing instructions. She couldn't remember to have put her arms around his neck when she already felt her fingers tangled in his hair.</p><p>"Jaime...", she breathed when he finally released her lips.</p><p>"Jaime, I love you."</p><p>He drew back from her, but only enough so he could look at her properly with the most radiant smile on his face she had ever seen. But it wasn't his smile that captured her attention, it was something in his eyes, an adoration that she had never seen in anyone looking at her before and that she knew couldn't be feigned. She could feel tears stinging in her eyes again.</p><p>When he met her gaze, the smile gave way to a look of concern. "What's wrong?", he asked. "Did I go too fast? I'm sorry if-"</p><p>"No! No, nothing's wrong", she interrupted him. "It's just...no one has ever looked at me that way before."</p><p>"Fools", he said, "all fools, every one of them. Every man who has ever looked past you and didn't realize your beauty. Including myself."</p><p>"You realize it now."</p><p>"And thank the Gods for that", he said and pressed a kiss to her forehead before he hugged her, never planning to let go. Everything outside the chamber walls was forgotten: Tormund Giantsbane with his newly won blue eye, Queen Cersei, plotting on her throne in King's Landing, and even the war that was there to come.</p>
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